Sunday, 14 February 2010

Male Order

This Valentine's Day (shudder) I don't feel as downcast as I had anticipated, but hopeful. I woke up with a great sense of purpose, and not just the purpose of drinking wine in the bath and sobbing my way through All By Myself.

Yes, my last couple of major relationships have crashed and burned, but couldn't that be a blessing in disguise? For every wonderful thing both exes had going for them, both relationships were completely devoid of excitement and hope for the future. Both involved an impending move for one of both of us, and that cloud hanging over the fun times was always pissing a little 'where is this going?' juice down on us. I suppose what I'm allowed to consider now is someone who I can have fun with, be compatible with, and have the heady sensation of just seeing where it goes. As opposed to knowing where it's going, and that the destination isn't great.

So this February 14th, I'm taking a leaf out of Jane and Michael Banks' book, and making a wishlist for Mr 2010. Imagine the tinkly music of the Sherman brothers, as I rip up this hopeful missive and send it out on the spring breeze in the hope that a clever, funny and hot Mr Write will come floating back and appear at my door...

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition

Sparkling eyes, no warts!
Cooks well, all sorts

You must be kind, you must be witty
Fully straight and not too pretty

Take me on outings, buy me treats
Never, ever hog the sheets

Never be cross or cruel
Don't still think you're still in high school

Don't have a secret son or daughter
And don't drink vodka like it's water

I'll try not to irritate you
If you never give me cause to hate you

If you don't take yourself too seriously
There won't be any drama
Just love and laughs and tea

Hurry, boyfriend
Many thanks,

Miss Write

If, during some horribly deprived childhood, you have missed out on this charming cultural reference, here is the original.

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