Thursday, 7 May 2009
Age gaps are interesting to me. I have often wondered why I appear to be missing the 'older man' gene; both my sisters and my mother went for men at least a few years older than themselves, while I have always had relationships with people who are at exactly the same stage of life as me. This popped back into my head today as a bit of drama played out on facebook (that theatre of miscommunication and stalkery).
An ex of mine and his subsequent girlfriend appear to have split up, and are carrying out a bit of a public war via the good 'book. I really like her (unusual for me, I am usually a bit scathing and dismissive of my relationship successors) and sympathise with her plight, namely that he is an overgrown toddler with a lot of issues and a borderline gambling addiction. Something that he is only proving with his current facebooking antics. I couldn't quite believe I had dated this guy not that long ago and not found him unbearable. Such are the risks of same-age pairings.
This is not to dismiss our relationship, he has changed quite a bit, but the difference in maturity was always a problem. It is hard to find a great guy who shares your values and pursuits who also inhabits the same era of life as you, when the maturity gap seems to stay wide open well into our twenties. Saying that, my last couple of relationships have given me a better impression of 'boys my own age', and there are definitely a few gems out there. My conundrum is that I can totally, totally see the appeal of the Older Man (more cash, settled into his lifestyle, plentiful relationship experience, gentlemanly values, often more likely to commit) but I have never, ever been attracted in any real relationship-coveting way to an older man. I'm talking more than two or three years older, essentially.
The pros of same-age seduction are many- you're less likely be made to feel childish or silly, more likely to have the same references and tastes, you'll occasionally feel you can look after him as well as vice versa, you don't feel pressured to settle down before your time, and you'll often both be financially synched - less disagreements over places to eat or holidays to book.
But so many of the bright, gorgeous, funny, driven girls and women I know have opted for an older man, I often wonder why I'm not following suit. Answers on a postcard...